Bohemians and Browncoats
by cookiedough15
Summary: A RENTFirefly crossover. What would happen if seven very hungover Bohemians awoke on board Serenity? No canon pairings, rated T for slash and femslash and we'll see what else. Please R&R!
1. Take Me Out

**Bohemians and Browncoats**

**A/N: Please, please don't hurt me for crossing Firefly and RENT. I think you'll find it interesting how I did it. Anyways, please R&R! Rated T for some slash & femslash. Absolutely no canon pairings (except Inara's here one-sided thing for Mal). Be patient, the first chapter is all RENT except the last sentence.**

**Chapter 1: Take Me Out**

Mimi was walking down the street, lost in thought about her night off the next day. Being lost in thought, however, can only lead to bad things…such as walking into telephone poles. "I hate poles. All night long, poles. And then a big fat one has to come and smack me in the face…" a very tired and now-in-pain Mimi muttered. When she actually looked at her attacker (a poor and unsuspecting average wooden telephone pole, which, from its point of view, had just been hit by a Mimi), the pain was pushed to the back of her mind. She smiled at the flier on the telephone pole. She knew _exactly_ what she wanted to do on her night off.

* * *

Mimi had always been a partier and a night owl, but Roger wasn't exactly a social animal. And though when he first met her, three years ago, she had brightened up his life and gotten him out, now they were going through yet another rocky patch. The couple had become famous for them, and they only ended when something really big happened. The first time, Mimi had to die and come back again to renew their relationship, the second, she became completely free of her addiction and of Benny. That time, _he _had left instead of Roger. After taking him off the Alphabet City recording studio project, Alison decided that wasn't enough, and dragged him away to Chicago. There were rumors, though, that he had gotten divorced and come back to New York, but if he had Mimi wanted nothing to do with him. The third rough patch had been shorter, and had come about when Roger was forming a band, and the drummer was a very beautiful girl. Mimi, strange though it may seem, got jealous. However, the lovely drummer then disappeared. When she came back, she had a wedding ring, the band had broken up, and anyways, her husband wanted to move to California. Now, Roger and Mimi were working on Rough Patch number four. Roger had sunken into depression when Benny left, now that he was paying rent without any kind "forgetfulness" on the part of the new landlord. He didn't want to go out, he had returned to wanting to find his song.

Now, Mimi was standing over him, waving a flier in his face. "Please, Roger? It sounds nice! Look, it says 'Romantic! Fun! Good Music! Drinks!' And I think Liz at the club said something about it being good too!" Roger sighed. Mimi was, yet again, trying to get him to take her out on her night off. Last time, he'd gone because it had been a performance of Maureen's, and they'd been friends a long time. The time before that, it had been the premiere of Mark's second documentary, and so on. She kept managing to get him out. This time, it was a new club she wanted to try. But still, this time, all he wanted was to stay in. "We can get everyone together and all go! It won't even be a date! It'll be a…a…a get-together!" She seemed happy, she seemed like all she wanted was to smile him into doing this, but Roger knew her. He could see her smile wearing thin. He knew she was beginning to get frustrated with him, and still he said it.

"Look, Mimi, I don't want to go out. I don't like going out. I'm tired and busy and broke!" As he said it, his anger and frustration built up, and by the end of his statement, he was almost shouting.

"OK, Roger, fine," Mimi almost-shouted back, angrily pushing off his lap, where she had settled. "We won't go out tomorrow. Or next week. Or ever…" she grumbled. "My God, we're becoming an old angry married couple," she said quietly but angrily. She settled back down next to him on the couch. However quietly she'd said it, though, he had heard, and he didn't like it.

"We are not an old married couple! The reason we're not married is because we fight like this! Every few months, we start it again! We can never just be at peace!" He began to shout. "You and I, we love, but we can't live on love alone! We have to trust and care and talk and believe and respect each other! And we don't!" By this point he was screaming. "Mimi, we can't be together like this! We drive each other crazy! I love you, Mimi, but I can't LIVE with you!" He stormed out of the loft. Shocked, Mimi watched his back disappear down the stairs. Then, she saw him turn around and race back up. The anger on his face was unbearable for her, so she turned her head and looked down. He reentered the room. "I can't believe I just fled my own house! Out!" he shouted, pointing to the door. Mimi left, shocked and sad, but smiling at his foolishness.

* * *

The next morning, Mark came downstairs to Mimi's door. He knocked, hard and loud.

"Mshhmmphanumph!" came the muffled reply.

"What?" wondered a very confused Mark. He made a face at the closed door-which, in the process of his face-making, opened. "O-oh!" said Mark, composing himself. "Hi, Mimi." A half-asleep Mimi stood before him, wearing a blue nightgown. "I'm sorry to wake you…"

She glared at him.

"I guess I'll get to the point then," he spat out in one breath. "I'm kinda worried about Roger, he stayed up all night writing, which is nothing new, but all the lyrics were about hating women and hating life and being broke. And I brought him some food, but he wouldn't eat. So I was kinda wondering, did you guys have a fight again?"

Mimi looked at him. "Um, yeah, why don't you come in?" They walked into her messy apartment, where she pushed some old mail off a chair and said, "Sit down, I'll be right back." She disappeared into her room, and Mark picked up a pile of old junk mail and tried to be interested in a campaign to find missing children.

Five minutes later, Mimi came back in, miraculously looking her usual beautiful self in tight jeans, black pumps, and a heavy, black knit sweater. "Hey," she said. "Sorry about that."

"No problem," Mark said. "So, you were going to tell me what happened with Roger?"

"Yeah," she said, and told him what had happened. "It keeps getting worse. I have _one_ night a week off, and he never wants to go out on it." She looked frustrated.

Mark said, "Do you think he'd be happy if you guys fixed this?" Whether or not he showed it, Mark cared about Roger deeply. He was the brother Mark had never had.

"I don't know," Mimi said crossly. "Why should I even care about him? He just lashes out at me, I never do anything wrong!"

Mark refrained from saying that wasn't strictly true; because it wouldn't help him in what he had to do-get Roger and Mimi back together, fix his family. "OK," Mark continued, trying a new strategy. "What was the name of the club you wanted to go to? Maybe we could all get together and go anyways. You can have fun without Roger!" He did not intend for her to have 'fun without Roger' but if this was going to work, he needed to know the name of the club and get her to go with everyone.

"It's called 'Serenity,'" Mimi replied. "And yeah, that sounds fun! Can you let everyone know?"

"Sure," Mark said.

* * *

That night, when Mark, Collins, and Roger (which had taken a lot of doing on Mark's part, but he was there) entered the club, they spotted Mimi at the bar with Joanne and Maureen (who were not back together, but had become friends). When Roger saw Mimi, he almost bolted, but Collins, who was bigger and stronger, grabbed him and so he relented and stayed. As it turned out, Maureen was on her third drink and even more…delightfully interesting… than usual. Joanne was watching her and Mimi's antics, entertained. They were all drinking and dancing and talking when, suddenly, an old familiar face appeared.

"Benny!" said Mimi, the first to see him, shocked. "Um, hi!" The rest of the group turned or walked over to him.

"So, the enemy of Avenue A has returned," said Maureen, who still held a grudge about her protest.

"Hey," said Benny. "I'm not like that an-"

"So you don't cheat on your wife with your old best friend's girl anymore?" said Roger coolly, glaring, and also throwing that same glare in Mimi's direction.

"I'm not married anymore," said Benny. This short statement caused an uproar among his old friends (later enemies). "Can I tell my story now?" They nodded. "When Alison dragged me out of here just because she was jealous, I knew it had to be over. I love this city. And I realized, yes, I was rich, but I'd lost my friends and my home. and I couldn't let that happen. So, I'm back, Gray-free. I have returned to this world that I missed the whole time and no one-not even me-knew."

"What do you mean?" asked Mark. "You didn't miss it when you made us pay rent."

"Or when you called the cops on my protest," threw in Maureen.

"Or when you stole my girlfriend," added Roger.

"And anyways how have you 'returned to this world'? I bet you're living in some fancy apartment on the Upper East Side!" spewed Mimi.

"Nope," Benny said. "Remember how my boss was Alison's father? Well, with the divorce came the being-fired. So now I'm unemployed. And while I'm not as broke as you guys yet, I will be soon, at this rate."

"Really, old pal?" Collins said. Collins was a very forgiving man. "Well, if you promise to do us no more wrongs, and to return to art, anarchy, and Alphabet City, then I will reinstate you as a Bohemian!"

Cries of "Waitwaitwait!" and "Slow down, now!" were heard from the others who were not feeling quite as charitable as Collins. He just looked at them, each person, one at a time, with his strong, kind brown eyes, and they knew he was right. Then he spoke five words: "Angel would have done it." And that erased all their doubts. Then his eyes returned to Benny. "Do you so swear, Benjamin Coffin III?" he asked him.

Benny quietly and gratefully said, "I do." Then the seven friends returned to their usual hustle and bustle conversation, only this time, with one more member. They did not treat him like an ex-enemy, they pretended to forget, and, by the end of the night (and with copious amounts of alcohol in all their systems) they had.

That night, they drank. A lot. And all of them did stupid things, but as Mimi put it "I love being drunk with my friends. We can ALL do stupid things, and ALL of us won't remember." And it was true, when they woke up, they remembered very little of the night before. Which was a problem, because they woke up in a very interesting situation.

They woke up in the cargo bay of the Firefly-class space ship Serenity.

**A/N: That's all for now. Gotta love the cliffie : ) I'll update soon, because I LOVE writing this story. And if anyone wants to beta for me, that would be awesome! Oh, and let me know what you thought of my method for bringing back Benny. I know it was abrupt, but it needed to happen and I didn't want to waste time on it. Review!! All compliments and concrit welcome!**


	2. We'll Stay Oy Vey!

**A/N:** If anybody's actually reading this, sorry it took so long. Please don't lurk! If you read it, review! Oh and since I forgot last time this goes for that chapter also:

**Disclaimer:** You know what's not mine. As in, Firefly and Rent.

* * *

**Chapter Two: We'll Stay...Oy Vey!**

"Uh, li'l River? We're, um, we're not home," said the very confused captain into the special radio River had rigged. Then, as the reality of being not home struck him, he continued, "And if we don't get home soon, I'm going to be all kinds of angry."

"I am well aware that your current location is not that which we had chosen," River replied. A year after Miranda, River had responded to the combination of her brother's treatments and the lack of the burden of millions of deaths, and was now usually completely sane and understandable, although she still woke with nightmares. But only Simon knew about that.

"Of course it's not! Because we chose _home_!! And again, we are not home!" the captain was getting more frustrated by the second. "What exactly are you going to do about that?" Nervously, Mal glanced around his "current location," a dark nightclub. He also glanced at his crew, all of whom were with him on this trip: Kaylee had come to select parts, Simon to restock the infirmary "properly" (which he was sure the captain couldn't handle), Jayne and Zoë in their usual capacities, and Inara, whose shuttle was broken, so she had to try out River's new method of transportation. With River's sanity had returned a useful genius in physics, and after she determined she wanted to create this, it had only taken her a few days to figure out:(almost) instantaneous space transportation. She had attempted to explain it to Mal and Simon, and even Simon didn't understand, so she had finally sighed and said "It works. Trust me." And they had, and now they were here, in this not-home place.

"Well, if you could tell me where you are, I could try again to bring you home."

"That I can handle." Turning to his first mate, he said, "Zoë, figure out where we are."

"How, sir?"

"Ask!" he said, exasperated. Women, even Zoë, could be so _senseless._

"With all due respect, sir, wouldn't it seem strange to just walk up to someone and ask where we are?"

"Oh." So maybe not senseless, exactly. "Hmmm."

Jayne, who really was not stupid, he just felt that it's easier to seem stupid and lower expectations, said "Pretend to be drunk."

Everyone stared at him. "What?" he said, nervous. Was it really that bad of an idea?

"Jayne, you are a genius," said Mal. "And since you're an expert at being drunk, you get to carry out this little plan of ours."

Jayne said, "Uh…."

Kaylee said, "Don't be a chicken!! Baawk!"

That got Jayne going. He growled, "I am not a chicken," and stomped off towards the bar. As the group watched, his step grew less angry and more drunken. He stumbled over and sat down on a stool. He hunched over, blinked a couple times, looked up at the bartender, and said, "Where am I?"

To the bartender, this guy didn't really seem drunk so much as strange. Perhaps he had Alzheimer's…? _Well, I guess I should just answer_, he thought. "You're at Serenity." The guy suddenly looked confused and very much aware of where he was, and then returned to behaving….strange. "In New York….?" continued the bartender, beginning to be a little concerned. "The city?"

"Uh-huh," said Jayne. "Um. New York is where now?"

The bartender decided this guy might actually be a lunatic. "What year is it?" he asked.

"2519," said Jayne automatically.

Yep, definitely a crazy. "It's 1991…" said the bartender. "Is there somebody you want me to call to help you get home or something?" Business was kind of slow tonight, he could afford to waste time on this guy.

Jayne, offended, said clearly and more or less intelligently, "I don't need nobody's help to get home," and stomped away. When he got back to Mal and the crew, he said, "We are in New York. In 1991. According to that feller."

"New York?!" said Inara. "On Earth-That-Was?"

"1991?!" Kaylee almost shouted. "Five hundred YEARS ago??"

"Shush," said Zoë. "If we are on Earth and it is 1991, we don't want everybody thinking we're insane."

"Too late," muttered Jayne, clearly thinking about his experience with the bartender.

Meanwhile, Mal was getting back to business: attempting to get them home. "River?" he said into the radio. "We know where we are now…sorta."

"Where, captain?"

"New York. 1991."

"I didn't realize this could also transport one through time. That is very interesting, and could complicate the science immensely…" River mused.

"Ya think it could complicate it? It already did! We are in a place that doesn't exist anymore!" said Mal exasperated.

"Hmm…."said River. "Oh, I think I've found you, sir. I will have you home in," she paused to finish her calculations, "about a minute."

"Alright," growled Mal. "Folks, get ready, we're going home."

"Yay!" said Kaylee. Simon squeezed her hand. Wash and Inara sighed with relief. Zoë stayed still, stoic and skeptical. Jayne checked on his grenades. _You never know where we might end up next, _he thought. _Maybe next'll be dinosaurs… _

They waited. One minute turned into two, and two turned into, three, then four, then five. Then the radio beeped. "Captain?" asked River.

"We're still here, River," growled the captain.

"But I completed the transfer…" said River wonderingly. Everything she did, she did perfectly! She did not make mistakes….

Jayne groaned. Mal was turning red. Simon grabbed the radio so that Mal wouldn't yell at River. "River? It's me," he said.

"Hi Simon!" She still acted like a child around him.

"Hi. Can you try it again?" he asked.

"I can. I'll need to make the necessary adjustments…"

"And how long will that take?" he asked desperately, seeing a tired Kaylee, a composed Inara, an increasingly angry Mal, a bored Jayne (obviously dangerous), and a slightly worried Zoë.

"It could take an hour to a week," said River, as though this was not important at all. "But really, the fact that it took you through time is so amazing, I might have to do additional research…"

"NO!" said Mal, Jayne, and Simon at the same time. Simon then continued, "Can you do it again without any changes? Will it work?"

"Well, there's a chance…" said River. "But I can't be sure, not after it went wrong twice."

"Just try it," said Simon.

"All right," said River. She pressed the necessary buttons with her usual superhuman speed. "Coming home in one minute."

And after one minute, the entire crew had indeed vanished from Serenity, from New York, from Earth. After two, they had arrived in the cargo bay of Serenity, their home, to see seven sleeping Bohemians on the cargo bay floor.

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